I hope most of you made it through the transition from one quirky/cute/funny wall calendar to the next, but if not, you are what we call in the business “a weak bean”, and the rest of the calendar-proof population is stronger having sloughed you off.
To start this year’s posting of the things in my head to the internet instead of doing what regular folk do (writing in a diary; paying a therapist; blaming Obama; etc.) I’m going to try and lay out what the landscape of my headspace is looking like. Reader discretion is advised, but that really only applies if you’re a wuss-ass.
Still with me?
What a shitshow of a year so far, right?!
We here in the U.S. haven’t had an operational government since last year; We are really digging our heels in with this whole “anti” “no” “against” mentality as a population; China landed on the “dark side” of the moon, tried to grow a plant, failed, and now nobody cares anymore; The President is confused about the place fast food holds on the “giving no fucks” scale (NEWSFLASH: It’s high, and so is he); and a Netflix show has inspired hundreds, if not thousands, to get behind the wheel of their own cars while blindfolded, drive, and allow their idiot friends to record them busting their shit.
While these may all seem likes signs of some apocalyptic prophecy about to culminate before our very eyes, I’m hoping that we have simply reached the stage in the development of the human race known as “What the fuck happened last night?”
You know exactly what I’m talking about, and if you don’t, then I’m afraid that until you have downed a liter of sugar-flavored vodka, smoked a pile of weed, and chased it all down with enough cigarettes and PBR to kill a punk band or two, you really don’t know what I’m talking about.
Basically, it’s my theory that, for the majority of the species, the motor is running, but the person behind the wheel is passed out. This sounds dangerous, and that’s because it fucking IS! But, with a little luck, and a lack of law enforcement, it’s my hope that we can steer towards home without any catastrophic damage being done.
Okay, more catastrophic damage.
I’m not gonna lie to you, though. This is going to hurt in the morning. There will be moments of panic when we realize that we we are not where we last remember being. We probably won’t want to be alive until we get that first sip of water, which will bring the massive headache into focus. What we will be, however, is better off.
Do I have a solution to this? No. There really isn’t one surefire hangover cure that works across the board, and any that actually come close are all on the preventative side of things, and let’s face it, that ship has sailed.
The thing I do have is the belief that we all not only have the capacity, but on some basic level, the desire to do better. My thoughts on that are fairly straightforward: Stop being so rabidly “anti”-whatever. And this really doesn’t mean being insanely “pro”-whatever instead. What happens if we aren’t either one, but instead, we go out and do something. Improve something. Fix, and build, and restore, and refurbish instead of scolding everyone about being stupid/bad/evil if they aren’t doing exactly what we do. Remember kids, nobody gets out of this alive, so think hard. Would you rather be known for what you hated and opposed, of for what you corrected and healed and made whole? With each passing year, I feel like we are increasingly defining ourselves by what we are not; by what we don’t do or think; by who isn’t us. This has to ease up if we are going to regain our senses. Don’t define yourself by what you oppose, but instead by what you create and leave behind.
Don’t get me wrong, though…
Like…fuck Trump, right?
Not literally because…ew…but, you know…
With that, I’m going to close this post out, but not before a round of shameless self-promotion. Yay! If I could direct your attention to my new and improved Patreon here. I’ve made several modifications, most notably in the Tier pricing, and in the addition of my new monthly e-zine “Spare Parts”. Located under the $3 Tier, “Spare Parts” is a collection of 3 or 4 of my short stories put against an artistic designed background (also made by yours truly), and formatted specifically for reading on your smartphone. And did I mention that “Spare Parts” is exclusive to Patreon? Well, I did now. Every contributor at the $3 Tier or higher will have access to each issue, so if you aren’t already signed up to be one, head there now! This month, the stories are “Before The Fire”, “Skater Punks Must Die!” and “The Hermit”. Other changes have been made to the Patreon page as well, so feel free to poke around and get reacquainted.
Until next time!
Tyler D. Hansen 1/19/19 (Chassit!)